Confused and Trying to Forget

[hamofabe]

So here is the thing. I had always wonder about what it would be like to be with another male. My senior in high school I was all over place emotionally because of stuff going on at home, and I met this openly gay Filipino freshman. We talked all the time and eventually go really close. I eventually started having feelings for him and I told him. Thing is when I told him he had just gotten himself a boyfriends. I was against telling him at first because I knew he was talking to someone, but one of friends convinced me that he should know how I felt and that I should be heard so I told him. A few months later they break up and he tells me that at one point he had considered asking me out. I heard that and was happy but after that nothing happened, we kept on being good friends then I graduated and until recently when I saw him I had forced myself to forget, but when we ---- out after about a year, everything came rushing back. Once again I told him that I still felt the same way. He said we should talk about it in person, thing is I have seen a few times since then and nothing. Now I am thoroughly confused and don't know what to do.

Long story short, does anyone have any advice for what I should do? I started to rationalize my feelings and I just end up confusing myself even more. I want to know if this was a one time thing. I check out random guys I see, but I can never bring myself to talk to them, or anyone for that matter.